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Tag: life

  • Why “The Courage to Be Disliked” Might Be the Most Important Book I’ve Read This Year

    Why “The Courage to Be Disliked” Might Be the Most Important Book I’ve Read This Year

    Every now and then, a book comes along that quietly rearranges how you think about life, work, and what actually matters. For me, The Courage to Be Disliked by Kishimi Ichiro and Koga Fumitake did exactly that.

    I’m not breaking new ground here—first published in 2013, it’s sold over 10 million copies—but I’m still glad I finally got around to reading it. And despite the title, it’s not really about courage. Or being disliked. It’s about something deeper and far more liberating.

    What’s it really about?

    At its core, this book lays out a philosophical framework you might intuitively recognise but not have words for. It’s grounded in the work of Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and Jung, who developed a radical alternative to their cause-effect models of human behaviour.

    Adler’s philosophy centres on this idea:

    You can choose how to think, act, and live—not based on past events or what others expect, but on what you believe is worth doing.

    The so-called “courage to be disliked” is simply a by-product of choosing to live authentically and in service of that belief.

    What stayed with me

    Here are the ideas I’ve been reflecting on most since reading:

    • Radical self-acceptance: Starting from “this me” as I am, without chasing external approval.
    • Unconditional confidence in others: Begin relationships from a place of trust, not fear or doubt.
    • Contribution, not validation: It’s enough to feel that I’m being useful—even if that contribution goes unnoticed.
    • Live earnestly in the now: The present is the only moment I can work with. The past and future aren’t reality.
    • Separation of tasks: I do what’s mine to do. How others respond is their task, not mine.
    • Horizontal relationships: Move away from hierarchies and approval-seeking. Relate person to person.

    Why it matters

    Living like this is incredibly freeing—but also confronting. It asks you to give up your need for recognition and lean into purpose. To work for impact, not applause.

    It reminded me of that great Harry S. Truman quote:

    “It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

    In a world that often encourages performance, comparison, and constant feedback loops, this book offers a very different invitation: Do the work you believe matters. Contribute to others. And don’t wait for permission or praise.

    Worth reading?

    If you’ve ever wrestled with people-pleasing, overthinking, imposter syndrome—or just wondered how to stay grounded while trying to do meaningful work—this book might offer something that sticks with you, too.

    Let me know if you’ve read it—or if it’s now on your list.

  • The power of starting…NOW

    The power of starting…NOW

    I’m the kind of person who has always loved finding out about the world around me, and then sharing insights and what I have learned with other people. One aspect of this particular way I am wired has developed into a professional mentoring practice, where I support others in their personal growth journey, be that in business or in achieving other goals in life.

    For a while now, I’ve been drawn to the idea of writing some of these insights down and sharing them more widely, as a way of seeking to impact positively more people than can be done through 1-1 mentoring conversations.

    This year I set myself the goal to start writing. In my head I have several books I’d like to write about a wide range of different topics. But… I’ve hit “writer’s block” before I’ve even started. I am reminded of one of the power tips to create a new habit. Which is this. Ask yourself: “what is the smallest simple step I can take now towards my new goal?”. For instance if you want to start going to the gym, then this might mean getting your gym kit ready to go. Or you might want to start journaling, so get yourself a nice journal, and think about where and when in your pattern of life you will make space for journaling. The next step after that is to write one line in your journal, and take it from there. You will be amazed how taking these very small steps gets you on the road of progress.

    For me recently, having moved house in the last year, I wanted to re-start swimming once a week. So applying this power tip, the first step was finding out online where my nearest swimming pool was. The second step was getting a (free) membership card and downloading their app, so that I could easily book a session. The third step was booking a slot and getting my swimwear ready, and so on…

    So often we set ourselves a big goal that is too far removed from where we are today. The risk is that on day 3 or week 3, when we can’t live up to that new goal (yet), then we faulter and risk giving up, because the goal is unobtainable. Much better then to think about (and enjoy) the process, and the steps you will need to take to begin to create a habit that will help you towards some ultimate goal. A topic for another day perhaps, is that many people find over time that the process is more important than the goal itself. It’s good to have a target of course, but it’s also true that we make, and can celebrate, progress by taking a number of smaller steps, that over time add up to something much bigger.

    So back to my writer’s block. I thought about this power tip and how to apply it to writing. What is the smallest step I can take, and then take that. In this case the smallest step was remembering my login credentials for the backend of this website (I had not logged in for much more than a year), and setting up a new blank blog post in draft format. Well I did that yesterday, and today this text you are reading is my first blog post in 7 years ! (This is because when I gained new work and got busy I too easily put my “pen down” !)

    I titled this blog post “The power of starting…NOW” . As the adage goes “there is no time like the present”. I would add to that – start NOW directionally towards your goal with the smallest baby step, and you may well find that you have gained initial momentum to build upon that.

    So I don’t know if this will be the only blog post I write for the next seven years, as blogging is not the end goal – rather I needed to take a first step on a bigger journey, which was to write something (I hope) useful down and get it out there.

    Peter

    Photo by Melike B: https://www.pexels.com/photo/neon-light-signage-hanging-on-glass-wall-9226854/